19: I am Not Your Baby Mother
“Titles like ‘Baby Mother’ are still thrown around as an insult. It’s why people are still shocked to see young black families sticking together.”
- taken from I am not your Baby Mother by Candice Brathwaite. Thanks so much to independent black-owned bookstore Simba + Sloane for gifting me with a copy.
Scroll down for @thecultured.life audio reading of this post, also available to download, if you prefer 🎧
For the parents amongst us, what does REAL parenthood look like to you?
Is it IG-ready? Most probably not, as some might describe it as the scariest hood you’ll ever go through.
The story of this book and I begins as I near the end of my second pregnancy. And yes I am one of the brave ones that decide to do the whole parenthood thing again.
In her book, Brathwaite, founder of platform @makemotherhooddiverse, explores parenthood in its many facets. And she doesn’t hold back. Stigma, intersectionality, generational trauma, the lows and the many comforting highs of this hood are all explored. I did clutch my pearls at some of her recounting, but I salute her for all her honesty. We need more of these diverse narratives.
But as much as Brathwaite’s book is revealing, it very much faces its front- it’s motherhood from a black British woman’s experience, a book on parenthood that humanises black motherhood when it seems like the world out there won’t. The book is punctuated with horrifying recent stats, particularly stats around black birth outcomes so tirelessly campaigned against by the @fivexmore_ campaign.
Not so much a guide or manual, this book read much more like a memoir to me, a book that dismantles the “baby mother” stereotype, that it “isn’t born, it is created,” highlighting key issues faced by black mothers in the UK through exploration of her own experiences.
The power of memoirs is that it gives you the chance to walk in someone else’s shoes...whether or not the shoe fits.
As such, it’s an essential read for all women, everywhere.
You’ve probably heard the African saying “it takes a village to raise a child.” I found it touching that Brathwaite was raised by her grandparents, primarily by her granddad who was a part of the Windrush generation. The fondness in their relationship will light up your heart. She describes him as the “original Mrs Doubtfire”. It was one of the many instances of proud black fatherhood in the book and it closely echoed my experience of not being raised by a mother.
I really appreciated Brathwaite’s vulnerability throughout the book and what she shares not only brings to light her experience as a black British mum but gives way for others like her, others like myself, to stare down that same lens.
You can feel Brathwaite’s growth as the book goes on, growth as a black woman, a type of blossoming. Her win becomes the reader’s win. Especially in the chapter “Brown girl in the ring“ culminating in Brathwaite and her partner making a possibly life-changing decision for the future of their kids within the British education system.
I stan for authentic stories like these. A glimpse into real motherhood, a provoking call for all to parent their own loving way, no matter the odds. Would recommend.
Purchase I am Not Your Baby Mother by Candice Brathwaite here
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